* If a deaf person swears in sign language, does his mother

wash his hands with soap?

* If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill

himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

* Is there another word for synonym?

* If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

* Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

* Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

* If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right

to remain silent?

* Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

* How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

* Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

* Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste

funny?

* What was the best thing before sliced bread?

* Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do a

"practice?"

* When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on

their signs?

* When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant

to be thrown away?

* Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

* Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

* What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an

endangered plant?

* If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

* Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid

someone will clean them?

* If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

* If a man falls in the forest, does a tree hear it?

* Does a mother hen tell her chicks bugs taste like chicken?

* Why do you park on the driveway, but drive on the parkway?

AND

Sign in an office window: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd

one just left.

Veterinarians Waiting Room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts

Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day

Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on

fire and take appropriate action

On Maternity Room Door: "Push,Push,Push"

On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except

the dog.

Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for,

you've come to the right place.

Scientist's Door: Gone Fission

Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff

Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels

Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs

Sign on Fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive"

Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet -miss a car

payment

Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.

Hotel: "Help!" We need inn-experienced people

Dry Cleaners: Drop your pants here

Music Teacher's Door: "Out Chopin" Be "Bach" in a "Minuet"

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your

bill.

However, if you don't, you will be."

Beauty Shop: Dye now!

Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got

Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte"

Restaurant Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get

fed up.

Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can

eat any place they want.

Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait _ _.